Have we been Hoodwinked into believing our feelings make us weak?

Is it time for an emotional reclamation revolution?  One that proudly claims our feelings, all of them, not just the pretty delicate happy feelings, but the ugly messy chaotic ones too.  The ones we have been taught were shameful or unworthy or uncomfortable.  The ones that sit squarely behind doors marked “your so dramatic” or “Ill give you something real to cry about”, “You’re being too sensitive”, “Big girls/boys don’t cry”, “What do you have to be upset about”, “Your fine”.  

Some doors don’t have an obvious a title.  Yours might not.  Instead maybe like Pavlov’s dog we learned to respond is a “acceptable way”.  If emotion = withdrawal of approval, emotional = obvious disapproval, emotion = silence or emotion = angry outburst and emotional dysregulation on the part of our caregivers.  Then we learnt early how we were expected to turn up in the world.

However it was taught to you, I don’t think it’s out of line to say we live in a world that teaches us to treat emotions like a problem.

Feel sad? Thats because you are fragile and can’t handle your jandal or you might be broken, or its a chemical imbalance and you definitely need medication, or its a mindset issue you obviously don’t choose happy enough thoughts and other people have it worse so what are you crying about anyway, you just have to choose to be grateful but whatever you choose go away and get help… somewhere that is not here because your sadness makes me uncomfortable, and also you are probably just trying to manipulate me with your tears anyway.

Feel angry? Better hide it because you don’t want to be labelled as aggressive or the dreaded irrational.  So just calm down because you are out of control and probably over reacting because Im pretty sure you are the problem, you and your instability.  There is definitely something wrong with your wiring, maybe you have “anger issues” and don’t you know that holding onto anger makes you bitter, you can get cancer from that so just “Let It Go” like the song says.

Feel anxious? Look at you over there making a big deal out of nothing.  You are actually quite exhausting to be around maybe you need to try harder to find the answer so have you tried yoga, tea or magnesium?  Do you know there is actually nothing to be anxious about?  You might also be making a choice to stay fearful because you are not thinking positively enough.  Better go take some medication.

But what if the real problem isn’t the feeling—

What if instead we were never taught the feeling is the messenger - not the enemy… 

The invitation, not the interruption… 

The voice of the self that had no words, only signals.  

What if the issue is not that we feel too much, but the we’ve been taught to fear our own inner truth when it tries to speak?

Masculine Mindset vs. Feminine Wisdom

Let’s name it plainly, the dominant cultural lens around emotions is masculine. That doesn’t mean “men”—it means linear logic, control, outcome orientation.

Looking through this lens means - 

• Emotions are disruptions to be neutralized.

• Stability means suppression.

• “Emotional” becomes an insult.

It’s a legacy of stoicism warped into survival, to feel is to be vulnerable, and to be vulnerable is to be unsafe.

The feminine, whether in women or men —offers something wildly different. 

It says - 

Feelings are not flaws. They are feedback.

Emotions are not chaos. They are compass points.

Pain isn’t a threat. It’s a messenger.

But when we have been conditioned to believe that emotion makes us irrational, broken, or dramatic. Then that conditioning becomes a tool of control.

Emotion as Signal, Not Symptom

Every feeling is trying to tell you something.

• Anxiety might be saying: you’re out of alignment, or over-exposed.

• Anger might be saying: a boundary has been crossed.

• Grief might be saying: you loved, you lost, and your body remembers.

• Numbness might be saying: it was too much, so we shut down.

These aren’t malfunctions. They’re communications.

But most of us were taught to:

• Distrust the inner world

• Outsource our interpretation of it

• Pathologize our sensitivity

Is it any wonder we feel disconnected, confused, and like something is wrong with us.  Thats true gaslighting right there right?  Fooling us into thinking its definitely a you problem.  When in reality we are trying to navigate in a system that is wonky at the basement level, leaving us to attempt to build a healing journey on unstable foundations.

So What Happens When We Stop Running?

Something radical happens when we stop asking, “how do I get rid of this?”

And instead ask, “what is this trying to show me?”

We start to:

• Hear the unmet needs behind the overwhelm

• Recognize the patterns our body’s been holding

• Integrate the parts of ourselves we once silenced

This isn’t about glorifying emotion or getting lost in it. It’s about reclaiming it as part of your inner leadership.

Because here’s the truth:

Emotions are not obstacles.

They are orientation tools.

They don’t need to be managed.

They need to be met.

They need to be accepted.

They need to be felt.

Don’t get it twisted though, this is not permission to dysregulate all over those closest to us.  But rather a suggestion that we try a new journey.  

Radical acceptance walking hand and hand with radical responsibility for our life.

And if we are to assume that these messengers have a truth to tell us, then the obvious place to start is to notice when they turn up and to look inward with the question.  “What are you trying to tell me?” Or even better for those “Ugly” emotions, “what are you trying to protect me from”.  And then we wait and we listen.  Because the body knows its business.  The answer is there.  

And we feel the feelings, we allow them to be present we sit with them.  We honour their place.  And we acknowledge their job.  

Not by lashing out and kicking small puppies - but by letting the emotion move through us, not become us.

We meet the feeling with compassion, not collapse.

Curiosity, not control.

Our feelings do not need to be acted out, medicated or shamed.

They just need to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and allowed to move through.

Kindest Regards

Jaimee xxx